There is a quote by Gandhi (brought to my attention in the book previously mentioned…”Find Your Truth”) “Ever worthy act is difficult. Ascent is always difficult. Descent is easy and often slippery.” How applicable to the life of many who are attempting to find their place…rehabilitate from an addiction..or do both simultaneously. I am simply trying to figure out life as a servant and the word DIFFICULT popped up at me. I’m in this place in my journey where DIFFICULT is a daily presence….almost a friend at this point. I wake up…check my phone and wait for that thing that will present itself as my daily hill to climb.
I sound like I’m writing a sob story…I’m not…I’ve been able to open my arms wide and embrace the task at hand. Folded hands in prayer has helped also….because I’m learning that without those words to my Creator’s ears DIFFICULT seems too….ummmmm….DIFFICULT.
I’m being so rude…I haven’t even really defined the word for you..I apologize. Here is the meaning…shout out to Australian Siri for this morning’s definition. DIFFICULT – needing much effort or skill to accomplish, deal with or understand.
As I’ve pursued volunteer work with homeless youth and adults I’ve second guessed my value and doubted my skill sets for this new endeavor. I know my end goal and I am aware of the steps…but I trip over my self-doubt and stumble on feeling inadequate. I’ll put the work in and I’ll be diligent (ahhhh….another previous word). This week I’ll work towards figuring out WHAT exactly I’m trying to accomplish. My hope is that this will help the journey be less…well….DIFFICULT.
What has helped me to continue moving forward and overcome the tougher part of the journey has been community and finding value in the shared experiences of missionaries…leaders…people who have already progressed in their own community work and from those with similar passions and goals as myself. I respect the fact that they’ve paved the way and made some mistakes that I now get to avoid. I’m not..however…dumb enough to think I won’t run into my own difficulties.
As I’m working towards a life of SERVITUDE, the word DILIGENCE seems appropriate as a word for the week. I’m discovering that DILIGENCE, as a verb in my life, is lacking on some days and it definitely stunts my progress towards living this life of ministry and volunteering. If you know me, you know that sometimes sparkly, shiny things distract me…if a squirrel runs by my head turns….if serving becomes taxing I instantly become distraught and decide to nap the day away. DILIGENCE Ang…DILIGENCE.
I’d say my biggest downfall is smutty entertainment. Those that know me also know that I have an embarrassing addiction to all of the Housewife shows. That reality show pops on and one episode turns into four and the promised phone calls, emails, connections and volunteer research go out the window. If I don’t abide by my word…DILIGENCE…the likelihood of this happening frequently and ruining my momentum is high.
Careful and persistent work is what will bring my goal of bringing humanity to the forefront of people’s minds to fruition. Careful planning with each day. Persistent writing to keep me accountable to this space and to myself.
Diligence in evolution of myself, with careful thought to what each hour entails and persistence in pursuing human connection and finding ways to bridge the gap between the needy and the givers.
The past week has been a one word kind of week. My commitment level is waning..but I think this is a good thing. I’m marinating in a word…feeling it..absorbing it..letting it become a part of my world (yes..I just watched “Little Mermaid”).
Last Sunday I sat and scrawled the words “things to get rid of” up at the top of a piece of paper. What I wrote underneath were things like old t-shirts, 5K souvenir sweaters, jewelry and socks. I was uninspired by my own thoughts and list. I had hoped for more from my time of pondering and meditation. The paper got pushed aside and I pulled out my phone to look up words that described the act of giving up possessions. SACRIFICE was the first word…but it seemed so cruel and mean. SACRIFICE…it feels like a forced act…not one done freely. Does anyone enjoy or take pride in things that are forced on them?
Looking up the definition of SACRIFICE was my next step…since the word had riled something up in me I wanted to delve in and figure out what exactly I was dealing with here. Here’s what Siri said about the definition…and a Roget’s Dictionary confirmed the accuracy of this definition…SACRIFICE: Surrendering a possession as an offering to God or a divine power. I mean…WoW…this makes the act seem so much less self serving and so much more powerful. I wish I had more to say on the word…but I’m going to SACRIFICE my words and process. My list is going to have to change as are my feelings towards the act, but I’ll return with my list.
To be continued…..